Maredsous Tripel Abbey Ale
Volume: 1 pt. / 9.4 fl. oz.
Alcohol Content: 10%
Brewed and bottled by Duvel Moortgat, Puurs, Belgium
Selena Gomez & The Scene – Kiss & Tell
Released: Sept 29, 2009
Label: Hollywood Records
Running Time: 42:12
JAG, season 3 episode 23 – “Wedding Bell Blues” (without audio)
Original Air Date: May 12, 1998
Starring: David James Elliot, Catherine Bell, Patrick Labyorteaux, John M. Jackson
Running Time: 44:15
Things get off to a promising start. At first taste, the strong brew provides a warmth that gets the blood flowing and sets the stage for the pop confections and military-themed dramedy that is to ensue. An opening salvo of electric guitars gives way to the first taste of Gomez’s impeccably produced teen-pop vocal stylings as the episode begins. It quickly becomes clear that this show is all about shifting paradigms and turning accepted notions of the military/law industrial complex on their heads as we see the sexy female lawyer having to bail Jag, Gus and Admiral Chegwidden out of jail. Placing such pinnacles of American justice on the wrong side of the system that they help to perpetuate is a bold statement for the show’s producers. What series of events could possibly have led to the incarceration of these respectable figures? We are soon to find out as the episode plays out in flashback. Excitement builds as the opening credits reveal the show’s characters in a more flattering light, posing in military formal wear against the backdrop of the album’s title track. “You don’t mean it, you don’t mean it, no.” Indeed, officers, you didn’t mean it. But justice must be served.
A bit about the ale: A golden-bodied Belgian triple with festive sparkle, creamy body and luscious head—it’s all there on the label. As best I can tell, this is probably accurate, with a finish that leaves one looking forward to the next sip. So too does the heady sweetness of Kiss & Tell’s hooks linger in one’s mind after a song has ended. Expectations of disposable 3-minute pop nothings are shattered as dose after dose of soaring hooks and the presence of ringers like legendary session drummer Josh Freese reveal Kiss & Tell not to be the quick cash-in of a Disney commodity but rather a collection of pop gems ready to get asses on the dance floor. It’s hard not to smile at the antics of Jag (the cleaners shrunk his jacket!) and Gus (although grappling with his feelings for the sexy female lawyer, he may have to succumb to pressure to enter into an arranged marriage for huge financial gains) while being pumped up by the 80s-esque chorus of “I Won’t Apologize” or the oozing attitude of “Falling Down,” a track penned by Gomez herself.
The bottle, album and episode all near the halfway mark. A throwaway courtroom scene (it’s so anticlimactic; you can tell he’s innocent because his wife and young daughter are sitting right there) fades to the background as “Naturally,” the album’s strongest track, rips into the brain’s pleasure centers and proceeds to induce fist-pumping. It builds and serves as an introduction to the episode’s pivotal dinner scene: Gus’s father calls everyone together to ensure that his proposed arranged marriage is agreed upon by all. Gus is torn up inside but willing to go through with it—for now. The bride is present, backed by her financiers, as well as Jag and the sexy female lawyer. The façade of unanimous amiability is undercut by an ever-present churning apprehension, as well as “The Way I Loved You,” the album’s weakest song. This track is understandably necessary—the bubbly dance anthems are further defined (as is Gomez’s very persona as a teen idol) by the presence of slower ballads, but the treacly meanderings of “The Way” ring false and beg for the skip button. Not to worry; things pick right up again. As the viewer reels from the revelation of Gus’s father’s child abuse, Gomez steps up with “More.” Intensity once again begins to build and the ever-warming Maredsous leaves one eagerly anticipating the final stretch.
At this point it becomes evident that the show’s producers are willing to abandon the weightiness suggested by the opening scenes in service of surrendering to the pull of the narrative. Questions posed about how the military system forces ordinary and flawed human beings into roles of errorless adjudication are left unanswered as the story succumbs to all-too-familiar television tropes. It’s difficult to keep one’s eyes from rolling as the gang hits up the strip club, although these scenes are made considerably more palatable thanks to the high-energy backdrop provided by the double-shot of “As a Blonde” and “I Don’t Miss You At All.” The Maredsous does its part as well: questions of how the wedding will be resolved don’t carry the weight of questions about the nature of military service, but they burn just as brightly in the mind of the viewer as the cordial goes into effect.
The pace quickens. Jag, tired of putting up with the antics of his dry-cleaner, takes matters into his own hands, stealing a nice jacket discarded by a male stripper. A fight breaks out. Some other stuff. Now it’s wedding time. Gus’s half-brother shows up with a black-eye—Gus’s father’s abuse issues have reached a breaking point. Gus is forced into a showdown with his father, culminating in a beyond-lame sequence where Gus’s father throws a punch and Gus catches his fist mid-swing. But things take a dark turn as Gus sends his half-brother after his father to murder him. With his father out of the way, Gus is finally free to abandon the put-upon nuptials and pursue the sexy female lawyer, but, unbelievably, he decides to go through with the wedding. One can almost sense a physical change, greed twisting Gus into an altogether new character as the album’s impressive closer, “Tell Me Something I Don’t Know,” plays out intensely. The music ends and the bottle is emptied soon after. The final minutes of the episode play out in breathless silence. The wedding proceeds. Everyone wears masks of feigned happiness. A dark cloud churns on the horizon for all of Jag’s crew, which apparently is a good thing as it sets the stage for, like, seven more seasons.
